i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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