God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
