I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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