Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
