Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
