i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
