hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize