with your own penis?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
