I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
