It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
