So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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