my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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