Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
