so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
