Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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