I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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