She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
