Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
