all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
