i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
