It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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