Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
