i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize