You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
