I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
