Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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