went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
