i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There's a naked man in my car right now.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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