I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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