I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
