Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
