she was so not down for the gang bang
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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