if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
