I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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