i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
