You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
