am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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