just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
