I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The best revenge is premature balding
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
