hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
