I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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