Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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