TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
