so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
