As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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