I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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