Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
