At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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