margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
