You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
