I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
