Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
