Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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