Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
