Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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