I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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