Yo dont text me then not text me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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