90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
