I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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