The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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