I just threw up on my dentist
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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