But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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