If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
