Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
