..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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