It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
