Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
