My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
