He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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