i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I look better un-naked...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
