Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
