Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
