Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
