fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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