THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
