And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
