im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
