I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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