WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
