I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
