He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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