I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
