Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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