Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
