Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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