I think my vagina is haunted
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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