i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
