New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So vagazzling was a success
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