Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Come on in and take your pants off
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