Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
