I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
