If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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